Dave Ramsey on Marriage and Money

Marriage counselors and statistics tell us that if we can agree on four things before we marry someone, we have a much higher probability of a successful marriage. The big four are religion, in-laws, parenting and money.

Men and women are different. When it comes to money, men tend to take more risks and don’t save for emergencies. Men use money as a scorecard and can struggle with self-esteem when there are financial problems. Women tend to see money more as a security issue, so they will gravitate toward savings. Because of their need for security, women can have a level of fear—my wife, Sharon, calls it terror—when there are financial problems.

Despite the differences in how you and your spouse view money, it is crucial for couples dealing with their finances to have unity. Unity is one of the character qualities of people who win at wealth building. However, you have to understand each other before there is unity.

Usually one spouse is more creative and spontaneous. That mate is a little, or even a lot, less organized and tends to see budgeting as a form of torture, a method for the other mate to control them. That describes Sharon.

The other mate has more administrative skills and more of a bent toward numbers. There lives deep inside of this mate a nerd. That describes me. The nerd can be the spender or the saver. Normally, if one of you has all of the budgeting responsibility it is the spouse with the administrative bent. The nerds get the budget because they are the only one who cares, and they can’t trust anyone else anyway, since they are so smart. An unauthorized flow of money upsets the nerd, and further controls are implemented. At this point the free spirit will dig her heels in and the budget wars are on. I have just described how most couples “manage” money.

There is a better way! First the nerds should prepare the budget, because we love to; it is our life. Instead of making the budget kingly law, we should submit it to the budget committee. The budget committee is the two of you. Nerds, when you submit your masterpiece budget to the committee, you must remember to shut up and listen. Listen and accept the fact that your mate has valid input, and then agree to most of the requested changes. You are doing this to bribe them into the process of managing money, and believe me, your concessions are a small price to pay for unity.

Free spirits, you must show up for the budget committee meeting. This activity is important to your marriage and your children’s future, and the only way you can defend your position is to come to the meeting. You must be a grown-up and realize you cannot spend more than you make and have financial security or build wealth.

Although men and women are different, and opposites attract, common sense and a success mentality tell us we have to work together. Two horses pulling a wagon can haul a huge load up a hill if they work together. Pulling apart will simply turn the wagon into firewood. Working together is the only way to survive bad times and prosper in good ones. This means, when it comes to marriage, you are no longer two individuals, but one couple.


Dave Ramsey is a syndicated radio talk show host, best-selling author and the creator of EntreLeadership Master Series and EntreLeadership One Day.

(artical from successmagazine.com written by Dave Ramsey )